?????????????

I honestly can't even think of a title for this blog. My mind is mush. Question marks summarize it good enough.

I wish I was writing "Year in Review Christmas Blog", sipping tea by a warm fire as my children we fast asleep.. yet

I have spent every moment on the computer searching craigslist, gazzette times, property management companies for a home for our family. I know the Lord was telling me to stop a long time ago, but ones mind cannot rest when you don't know where your "home" will be next. If you have read on facebook Seans job status is such that we cannot prove our "three times the amount of rent" for income. Those that have considered us turned us away because of better offers.  It ridiculous when you are willing to give people (in my mind) a ton of money upfront and they still won't let you rent.

(For the update the kids are doing amazing. As I mom, I have been so concerned they would be in fear of the future, but it has not seem to faze them one bit. They only time they seem slightly concerned is when I am crying. They even pray "please give Mom and Dad a home" (huge lump in throat when I typed that). They know we will take care of them no matter what. They know God will take care of them too.)

Last night I was done. God was silent again. Door closed.

I was driving 'home' with the family in the rain, bawling my eyes out. Desperate to understand why this was happening in my life... then (in my mind) blaming my husband.

A year ago, I looked as if I had a perfect life: No debt. Nice big home (furniture). Running 5ks. Blogging. Crocheting. Had lots of friends. Was a Pastors Wife...ect ect..

Yet inside we were struggling. BIG time. Struggling for quite awhile. Church ministry was consuming our life and our conviction were such that we so desired to raise our children apart from it all. We needed the freedom to pull back from church activities (if need be) and we were not able to in Seans position. Activities were not the only reason, but one to say the least.

And on my drive home.. that is what I was questioning. WHY? why couldn't my husband just do it all? he had a good job..home..salary..
I was weeping for many reasons. But sad too because I did not want the enemy to put this as vice between my husband and I.

Reality is: I love my husband. I will support Him where ever the Lord leads. If He makes a mistake.. I will still love him. I will do all in my power to help him and not tear him down.

By the end of the evening we made one more call. We explain our situation thoroughly now before we view a home because we don't want to waste anyone's time. This call was it. He was nice, willing to work with us and after viewing the home was excited for us to rent.

I slept good. I awoke happy. Sean and I both knew though we had to wait for the complete "yes".

The verdict happened tonight at 8pm:  He is the middle man. Not the owner. On the application it said only rent and deposit were needed. Since others were interested he said the owner wanted last months rent too. Which was the closed door. Sorry we could not afford it.

I didn't cry this time. as at least God gave us a little relief for the day.

Praise the Lord for friends who have graciously opened their homes.Whether they are out of town or house sitting...
we have some temporary options at least..I am thankful for.

Please continue to pray for us. My prayer really only consist of two words now: "Please God.."

Psalm 94...
Unless the LORD had been my help,
         My soul would soon have settled in silence.
If I say, “My foot slips,”
         Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up.
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
         Your comforts delight my soul. 

Here We Go.. Again

(yes, everything we own will soon be in this picture)

Heard of the song: "There She Goes Again" By Sixpence, well.. it has been replaying in my mind over and over except.. "Here we go... Here we go again.. da da da da.."

There is nothing in me/or my strength that could make this move. 

It is all Jesus. 

He has faithfully been holding me in ways I can not express. 

Most (all) moves I resist. Cry. Feel sorry for myself. Get Angry. Or scream "I will never do this again!

He directs my steps. I may try to plan, but it is His will that is done.
May my heart always submit to him.

I have stopped counting the number of moves.. it is not healthy. We don't know what a day may bring. :-

For now I am enjoying these smiling faces

their joy

their adventure

and

their love is a special gift from God!

Hadassah aka "Nookie" understanding what it means to be a Buckout!

their last few days wearing flip flops in December!

Adventure

my girls.

till the next resting stop,

Psalm 84

To the Chief Musician. On an instrument of Gath.^[a] A Psalm of the sons of Korah.

 ¹ How lovely is Your tabernacle,

         O LORD of hosts!

 ² My soul longs, yes, even faints

         For the courts of the LORD; 

         My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. 

         

 ³ Even the sparrow has found a home,

         And the swallow a nest for herself, 

         Where she may lay her young— 

         Even Your altars, O LORD of hosts, 

         My King and my God.

 ⁴ Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;

         They will still be praising You.  Selah  

         

 ⁵ Blessed is the man whose strength is in You,

         Whose heart is set on pilgrimage.

 ⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baca,

         They make it a spring; 

         The rain also covers it with pools.

 ⁷ They go from strength to strength;

         Each one appears before God in Zion.^[b]

         

 ⁸ O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer;

         Give ear, O God of Jacob!  Selah  

 ⁹ O God, behold our shield,

         And look upon the face of Your anointed. 

         

 ¹⁰ For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.

         I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God 

         Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.

 ¹¹ For the LORD God is a sun and shield;

         The LORD will give grace and glory; 

         No good thing will He withhold 

         From those who walk uprightly. 

         

 ¹² O LORD of hosts,

         Blessed is the man who trusts in You!

Cooper & Me Winter Adventure WINNER!

Thank you for all who participated! 

Congrats to:

Keep checking back in the New Year for more reviews and giveaways!

Blessings,

There and Back Again: A Buckout Tale

i'd love to purchase this art

Once upon a time a young man, his wife, and 5 youngin's went to a far away land...

just kidding. I do feel like I could write a book about our own journey. Not just our journey to North Carolina, but the last 11 years plus of our marriage.

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Cor 5:7

Since Sean's job situation has changed, we really began to questioned whether we wanted to stay in North Carolina or if God wanted us too. We have missed Oregon tremendously, but more than anything we want to be in the will of God.... Not running to and fro trying to find our "heaven here on earth". We have likened it to an endless 7 month family vacation. (Of course not a free one!) But honestly we expressed to the Lord we ready to be back "home".

Over Thanksgiving weekend we knew we could not keep waiting for every door to open "perfectly". Often we think of God handing us our desires (Psalm 37:4) on a silver platter without being tried or chastened in the process. He is a God of mercy and enduring love. He longs to teach us about Him and give Him glory not matter what our circumstances. This can take time much time, patience, surrender, tears, and even pain.

We have spent an entire month seeking and inquiring of the Lord (which is not long, but can certainly feel long). A few opportunities have arose, but none fully concrete. I was tossing and turning the other night, knowing He may just have a move on without a job, home, or money. But why?? That would be stupid. I don't want to be foolish and I certainly don't want to look like a fool. Sure enough God was speaking the same thing to my husband. Sean knew we had to make those steps to go back... in faith.  (Side note: It is amazing to see all God has done in my husband through this season. To walk with Christ while having a "normal" job and continuing to raise/lead his family was an entire new experience. To "practice what he preached" for so many years was put to the test here in NC without a doubt. Sean could have an entire other blog on the subject.)

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 

Thus, the process started. We have dear friends in Oregon that offered their home to us for a few weeks while they are gone on vacation. It is our next holding spot. Our plan: get there, find a job, and a new home. What about all our belongings? What about the home we just purchased?

As of right now I sold our "big" couch.  And the dining room table. The piano is gone. The desk is gone. Chairs gone. Dressers gone. Tons of clothes gone. In a few days my all my dishes will go. We even drove our two kitties to a new home (an amazing answer to prayer). It is the biggest, most freeing purge of my life! We plan to only bring back a 12x6 uhaul trailer. We are happy unpacking will be nice and easy :-)

The biggest relief today was God provided a renter for our home that we are completely comfortable with! (((Deep breath)))).. It was such a blessing. I was afraid it would not happen BUT it did.

Now, with the weeks before us... We trust fully God will provide. How much more I am learning my expectation comes from Him alone. Sean has a possible job lead with a friends business, but besides that.. he be job and house hunting before and after Christmas. We are excited to be back in Corvallis, see friends and family again. We are excited to rest as a family. Rest in Gods hands. He is answering our prayers and our children are witnessing God goodness. They have their bags already packed for the road trip. They love hotel swimming pools. ;)

It is His plan for our lives. We have learned and will continue to learn so many life lessons. All in which, if the Lord tarries we will teach to our children.

Thank you for praying and pouring your love out to our family! Please continue to pray for Gods provision and employment for Sean. Of course too, for a new home ..before little Mordecai joins the crew! He has already captured his mommy's heart.

Much Love,

Cooper & Me Winter Adventure (Review and Giveaway!)

GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED.. Winner announced soon!

Happy December! I still cannot believe it is the Christmas Season. In about a week or so it might sink in...

Well, to start off the month I have a wonderful book to Giveaway.... a simply lovely Christmas gift for your little one! I had a precious time reading Cooper and Me and the Winter Adventure to Elizabeth Jane before bed the other night. 

(It is so healthy to slow down and read to the kids! We have bible time together as a family but there is something special about reading and snuggling up next to them in bed. Cozy fun.)

It is a precious story about a black lab Cooper and how quickly simple playtime can turn into a lesson of being lost in the snow. I especially enjoyed the read because it is told in a poetic form. :-) Plus, the back few pages are dedicated to follow up comprehension questions and questions about what to do when being lost. Honestly, a subject I forget to cover with my younger kids!

Below is a quick caption from the Cooper and Me series. Take time to enter the giveaway or purchase yours below at a discount price for blog readers (it is also supporting a good cause!)

Explore life along with Cooper, a fun-loving black Labrador Retriever, whose entertaining adventures help kids navigate the emotions and challenges of everyday living. Created by mother-daughter team Monique and Alexa Peters and inspired by their real-life family dog, Cooper and Me provides adults and children with opportunities for meaningful conversation and tools for constructive problem-solving. Kids will laugh at Cooper’s antics, and adults will appreciate the resilience nurtured in their children.

I can only encourage you to enter this Giveaway for a free copy YOU WILL BE BLESSED!
Enter as much as you like! Just leave a separate comment for each entry and your email address so I can contact you if you win. Do one or all of the following:

• Simply tell me that you'd like to win!
• Follow my blog via GFC or email and let me know
• Visit the Cooper and Me website and share something fun you learned
• Join the Cooper and Me Newsletter
• Like Cooper and Me on Facebook
• Follow Cooper and me on Twitter
• Vote for my blog on Picket Fence Blogs (can be done daily for more entries!)

WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED Dec 7th! (Before our big road trip!)

Can't wait to get your copy??

EXCLUSIVE DEAL BLOG READERS: 

Make any purchase of $25 or more at CooperandMe.com

and get FREE SHIPPING now through December 15.
MUST USE THIS CODE @ Check Out: COOPERBLOG

MORE IMPORTANTLY: 

 $1 of every Winter Adventure book sold will go to advance research & treatment of pancreatic cancer, via the Lustgarten Foundation  :)

'As a reading specialist I see a variety of important avenues to take these wonderful stories of Cooper and Me. I would use these delightful stories in kindergarten, in grade one and in grade two for "read-to" activities. They lend themselves to many feelings and situations that children at that age experience. I would also use the rhyming in each book to teach phonics. The colorful words and pictures will stimulate the children's desire to read.'

- Linda Lupario
Reading Specialist
Bethpage, New York

Hope you win!

“Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or
services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it
on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally
and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance
with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the
Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”