Sunday, May 11, 2014

How do I say goodbye?


my last goodbye, may 2013
How do I say goodbye?
Good bye to my Dad whose body is quickly dying from cancer.
I am traveling back to Oregon at the end of the week with my darling newborn.
Only three short days I will I get to visit him and introduce him to his newest grandbaby.
One last time to see him face to face.
One last hug.
One last mustache kiss.
I have been bottling up all my emotions I fear the goodbye.
I am the youngest of his eight kids between two marriages. He is almost 74.. I was his baby 40 years ago.
I wrote him a letter not to long ago sharing my love and appreciation and my longing for him to know the peace of God.

My brother died 7 years ago and I had no opportunity to say goodbye. He was gone when his van hit a tree. I only wished he could have been in a hospital bed a least so I could say goodbye. I even questioned God why, but maybe this is why.

I even broke down today because I am overwhelmed with even traveling with Priscilla.
I have a huge lump in my throat because I know what is ahead over my traveling days. I fear the silence. My mind will have time to process saying goodbye. Seven hours on a plane there and nine on the way home. In the midst of my busy days grief is hidden in the back dark corner of my heart. It will all be exposed soon enough.
I did get to journal the other morning, frantically trying to journal all my burdens to the Lord. Even leaving my children and husband at home on the east coast is extremely difficult.

I know I can be strong.
Strong for my Daddy.
God is my strength.
(from my sister's visit a few weeks ago via skype)
Would you please pray? Pray for my Dad. He is in pain. He needs Jesus.
Please pray for me. Please pray for me navigating airports. Pray for Priscilla on the flight. Pray I would let God comfort my own heart.
Pray for Sean at home with the kids.

My tears are flowing even has I write this, my heart is overwhelmed.... I know this is going to be a difficult week.
His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
His love is deeper still.




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